I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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