dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
