Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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