I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
smell my finger.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
