He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize