He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
