My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize