I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
