Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
