no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize