He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
