i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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