Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
