is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
