i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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