There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He has the fingertips of a God
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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