Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
