tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
