apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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