So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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