I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
