i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
