Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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