I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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