he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
