Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
