Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The adults are the big ones right?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
