fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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