Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
