She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
