my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
