Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
