I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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