the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
