No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You are a genius and a whore.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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