I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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