my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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