I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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