I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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