There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
