dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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