I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
