Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
