mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
