I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
