You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
