it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
