We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
