I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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