I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
