Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
