would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
