I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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