Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
