shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
