Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
