Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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