Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
barbara walters just said penis...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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