What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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