happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
