I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
