uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
