i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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