Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
