life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
