Nicole vs. Life
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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