YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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