She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
