You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
