I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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