my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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