As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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