Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
